Welcome to the trailer of Steve Guttenburg’s new movie, where he gets teleported onto a basketball court, and just stands there like a statue of a stunned mullet. Oh wait, that’s me!
Today we’re talking about hypotheticals, like the time I coached the Magic to a 26-4 record, only to be swept by the 36ers in the final. Ah what could have been…
How this works is I pose a number of questions, and collate everyone’s answers together here. Sounds easy, right?
At the round table today we have Jarrod Cotton (BOS), Troy Goostrey (IND), Luke Thomas (UTA), Dan Kelly (LAL), Ryan Spears (GSW), David Ashman (DEN) and Jesse Cotton (ATL)
The NBA has decided to create a new team, but to do this one current team must go. Who are you kicking out of the league and why?
Jarrod Cotton:
I have narrowed it to teams who are relatively new but, have had enough time to establish a brand.
Therefore it comes down to the four expansion teams that came into the NBA in the late 1980’s – Minnesota, Miami, Orlando and Charlotte.
The Heat have future number retirements and titles. The Magic have been to the finals a couple of times with Shaq/Penny 95 and Dwight Howard/cast in 09. Hornets like the Wolves have really only had mid-round playoff runs in that time. Charlotte’s success was all in the 90’s LJ/Mourning and later with Glen Rice, where as Minnesota took until 04 to have their only good playoff run in Garnett’s MVP year. Minnesota loses this one. The last to the party on the “tradition” scale
Timberwolves is a good nickname but the uniform is bland (ref Randy Breuer card), the other three are dynamic and distinct. Charlotte’s original uniform is one of the best ever. Sorry Wolves, strike two
Miami and Orlando are making successful in roads into NFL territory while growing a state rivalry. Charlotte is situated in a college basketball hotspot which is also good for the NBA. Minnesota is in the northwest, more inland than the Seattle team would be but still in the same general area so, removing the Wolves would have the least impact demographically. Strike three, you’re out!
Troy Goostrey:
Charlotte or Minnesota. Neither team seem to ever get anywhere. Often drafting a big name or two (KG, KAT, Wiggins, etc in Minnesota, Kemba, Baron Davis, MKG all high picks for Charlotte) but have rarely been teams you have gone into the season predicting being in the title mix this year. Probably going to be tough to move Charlotte with MJ in the ownership group and the pull to have the team in that area. So I think it would have to be Minnesota moving the 2,500km to Seattle. All those KG years were promising, then in recent times with KAT, Wiggins, Jimmy Buckets for a while, it looked like they were building to something. But just never quite there. I think the opportunity to lure name to a place like Minnesota is tough, and may work better if based in Seattle.
Luke Thomas:
I’m going to be controversial here. The team to go needs to come from the west, and ideally from the Pacific coast so it’s a one-out, one-in set-up. So I’m going to say the Clippers. LA only needs one team, and the Lakers are it. Whilst they are going to be good this year, the Clippers have had little relevance in their history.
Dan Kelly:
Memphis. There are some other franchises worse off at the moment, but would keep some of them in based on their history. Charlotte are lucky not to be in the firing line. Or we give Seattle back their spot and take out OKC.
Ryan Spears:
New York Knicks – as a penalty of being run so poorly for so long, even though I would love the Knicks to be good and think the NBA would be better for it.
David Ashman:
West conference team. I’ll choose Oklahoma City. After all they took it away from Seattle so get rid of em. Also they have a boring team now so you’re gone.
Jesse Cotton:
Charlotte has failed once already.
After leading the NBA in attendance for their first 7 seasons with lineups that included Kelly Tripucka and Kurt Rambis, the novelty soon wore off. That, and displeasure with the owner, saw them quickly fall to last in attendance in an era they were consistently making the playoffs with Baron Davis, Jamal Mashburn and Anthony Mason.
A list of Charlotte Hornets achievements:
– The only retired number is for being killed in a car accident
– The traded away Kobe Bryant for Vlade Divac
– The worst record in an NBA season ever
– The most confusing team history. They were Charlotte, then they were New Orleans, but then there was another Charlotte, and then they were never actually New Orleans.
– In the time they were New Orleans, which never actually happened, they were the only team to ever be owned by the league
Other teams in consideration are Memphis, New Orleans, Sacramento, Minnesota and the Clippers.
You are allowed to take a past player who played for your team and put them in your current team. Based on fit and current team need, who are you taking?
Jarrod Cotton:
The Celtics biggest weakness coming into this season is their big man rotation. Kyrie left and Kemba arrived, “even-Steven”, but the departure of Al Horford, a defensive/scoring power forward/centre will sting. So it came down to this skill set.
Larry Bird would be able to play this position in the modern NBA especially with his elite passing/shooting and the Boston version of Kevin Garnett’s game mirrors Al’s but I’m going to pick peak Kevin McHale.
His scoring touch outside was underrated, the quick post moves I could see would look similar to Hakeem’s if he’s at centre, unstoppable. Also he was a defensive player of the year so Boston wouldn’t have to worry about that end either.
Ps. And as an added bonus if Cheers gets a reboot like 90210, he would be able to reprise his role. Hey Norm!
Troy Goostrey:
Given the loss of Bogdanovic in the offseason this one became easier!! It has to be Reggie Miller now. Looking at the roster on paper, I worry about the quality of outside shooting especially in the current NBA climate. All are capable of hitting the 3-ball, but no standouts aside from Doug McDermott – but then we give up too much in other aspects to play him large minutes. Had we kept Bogdanovic or had some other shooting strength, the big man strength around Turner and Sabonis worries me. We’re asking Warren to play stretch-PF then hoping the rookie Bitadze comes on nicely. So in that instance I would have liked to add a George McGinnis, Mel Daniels, or maybe Dale Davis to crash the glass. But for the roster as it stands right now, its still Reggie Miller.
Luke Thomas:
As a Jazz man it’s a two-horse race, but based on fit I’m going to say Karl Malone, as we already have a good PG in Mike Conley, with Mudiay and Exum as back-ups. A starting five of Conley, Ingles, Mitchell, Malone and Gobert would be hard to stop. Pick and rolls to Gobert and Malone all day long.
Dan Kelly:
Kurt Rambis could play a role. Tricky one for me, having Lebron playing multiple roles it kind of ruled out a point guard (magic) and someone that wants a lot of shots (Kobe). I am going with Shaq. Good luck trying to handle a big 3 of Shaq, AD and Lebron.
Ryan Spears:
Golden State – Wilt Chamberlain, because we have just lost Durant and it would be amusing having lost a 27 ppg scorer to gain someone who averaged approximately 40 ppg. It would be a strange fit these days, with the role of the big man having changed so much. Runner up would be Chris Mullin, as he is such a good spot up shooter, good passer and smart player. And I miss his flat-top.
David Ashman:
Mahmoud Abdul Rauf, 3 point specialist and a pocket dynamo. Plus I just want to see him team up with Jamal Murray and cause some chaos.
Jesse Cotton:
The Hawks have their PG and PF in Young and Collins. Great offensive players, however, both guys don’t do much on the defensive end, so help is definitely needed there.
Perimeter defense is kind of covered with the two DeAndres – Bembry and Hunter. They need a rim protector, as John Collins doesn’t get any blocks. As someone who had him on his fantasy team last season, I should know.
So I’m picking Dikembe “Matute” Mutombo.
If the peak version of yourself was good enough to be an NBA 1st round pick next year, what would be your scouting report and NBA player comparison?
Jarrod Cotton:
The two NBA stars who were the closest to how I played, are Jason Kidd and Rajon Rondo. So I have just taken a section of both players scouting reports for my hypothetical 1st round evaluation.
Pass first point guard, outstanding job of controlling the tempo of the game, makes everyone around him better. Vision, creativity are extraordinary. Terrific in transition, sees over the top of the defence and possesses incredible passing ability. Excellent at incorporating hesitation moves to keep defenders off balance. Has never been known as a scorer, doesn’t get much elevation on his jumper which will need to improve at the next level. Doesn’t take all that many shots considering how many minutes he plays.
Confident in his defensive abilities. His combination of size, strength, timing, fundamentals and smarts makes him elite. Defends multiple positions, has great hands and is excellent at getting in the passing lanes (potential league leader in steals). One of the top rebounding/ shot blocking point guards. Also really loves to make the hustle play, sometimes at the detriment to his own body.
Look for a Triple – Double to be his peak game rather than any scoring outbursts.
Aghh….. I need a bath after that drivel.
Reality = Bench high fives would be biggest contribution/highlights nowadays 🙂
Troy Goostrey:
Troy Goostrey – 6’3″ 198lbs SG/SF. Likely 3-and-D guy who doesn’t need to have the ball in his hands to contribute. Will tackle a task to lock down an opponent shooter. Streaky shooter on offense, capable of hitting the three but needs work. Good locker room guy, dedicated in the gym to improving. NBA comparison Danny Green/Matthew Dellavedova.
Dan Kelly:
Due to my height and weight, something along the lines of Scott Skiles or John Stockton? Ok lock me in, John Paxson. My report would be point guard that is a “FAST BREAK SPECIALIST”. In his day loved a layup with tapping the backboard (nowhere near dunking).
Ryan Spears:
Strengths: speed, jumping, defence and passing. Weaknesses: inconsistent outside shooter, size. Player comparison: Kevin Johnson
David Ashman:
It would have to say a white guy with silky smooth skills and a great outside shot so Christian Laettner. NOT!!!
Probably Chris Webber or a LaPhonso Ellis 😂. My favourite position is PF and and I would try to rebound and always play some D but I loved to take on the offence by driving and “being aggressive”. I have caught most passes inside so my hands were ok for an inside player. Being unpredictable which always keeps the defence on their toes and creates opportunities for team mates also. What a scouting report…..
Jesse Cotton:
An undersized SF/PF/C who airballs free throws, but relies on timing, athleticism and wingspan to be a good defender and rebounder. Good passer and ball handler for his position. Scores almost solely from within 3 feet. Also an irritant.
Dennis Rodman / Draymond Green
Troy – “Will tackle a task to lock down an opponent shooter.” This I can testify after witnessing his big block of a Mike McKay 3 point attempt. Not in my house, Swish!
Ash – Nah, actually Laettner is more accurate!
Now where is that photo from Jess? Is that a NYE photo, post celebratory cigars?
I hear Mike McKay will not shoot any more perimeter shots after this Goose. He got D-Swished!
Just Coke mum, just Coke, pghh! Two Guttenboofs in the same post!
I’m guessing 5 years ago the Clippers would have better represented.
My NBA Comparisions:
Luke: You had the deliberate/in control game like a Tim Duncan.
Jess: Cedric Ceballos in the way he rebounded on offense, elite. I also thought Draymond.
Troy: Shooting touch, rebounding big we needed along the lines of a Karl Malone.
Ash: Best finisher ala Shawn Kemp (before the donuts).
To Dan and Ryan, we could’ve done with a KJ and Paxson back in the day.
I’m sure Mike has had a shot or two blocked by other bums before too and bounces back every time!!! All class.
Great comparisons all, really funny reading as always – well done again Jesse for pulling this series together.